Dr. Singh: Welcome to the Evolving Item Report! I'm Dr. Singh, bringing you all the latest news on Gaia's evolving items. With me is Timmy, my adorable little mutant sidekick, who's currently devouring my arm and attempting to take over my mind. We've also got a special guest: we're once again joined by Labtech Gene, who will attempt to remove Timmy from my arm.
Timmysingh: But first, let's get down to business! What's goin' on with the items this time, Doc?
Dr. Singh: I've just received word from Flynn that there's a brand new evolving item in the Gaia Cash Shop! The Enchanted Book looks outwardly normal, but the text inside is strange and illegible and seems to shift as you look at it. It exudes a feminine aura somewhat akin to the beloved Biancamella, but my finely-honed scientific instincts detect what seems to be a magical presence. If I may depart from science and offer my personal opinion, just touching the book fills my heart with a comforting feeling, like when my mother used to tell me stories when I was a child.
Timmysingh: Spare us the misty recollections, Doc! Let's get back to the sciencey stuff!
Dr. Singh: Yes, of course. The creature within the White Drome Egg is continuing to grow at a rather alarming rate... and it's looking a bit angry this week! On a lighter note, the ever-popular Hermes' Moon has grown once again, this time with several lovely new modes to choose from. We'd also like to note that the 5th generation of Fausto's Bottle has now finished evolving! And... well... that's just about it for this week...
Timmysingh: C'mon, Doc, don’t try to hide it. The Orindae is evolving this week, too!
Dr. Singh: Ugh... yes. Although my scientific training lets me emotionally detach from even the most gruesome of biological sights, I still just can't bear to look at this thing, and it's even more horrifying this week. Horrifying and huge!
Timmysingh: I dunno, Doc, I still think it's one of the cutest creatures I ever saw. I kinda want one for a pet!
Dr. Singh: Not as long as you're attached to me, buster. To see the latest evolutions of your items, just visit the My Avatar page, remove the item and reequip it.
That's all the serious business for this week, but if you're curious about this Timmy situation, stick around for a quick conversation with Labtech Gene. So, what's the prognosis, Gene?
Labtech Gene: Well, I've run some tests, and it seems as though Timmy's DNA has undergone some sort of catastrophic restructuring. Strangely enough, the mutations he's undergoing almost seem to display the mad-science fingerprint of G-Corp's discontinued programs. Tell me, Dr. Singh, was the boy exposed to any sort of toxins?
Dr. Singh: It's a long story... you see, Timmy was acting up one day, so I decided that to teach him a lesson...
Timmysingh: She stuck me in a big ol' barrel of toxic waste and I started mutatin'! It was great!
Labtech Gene: HOLY GOODNIGHT! You put a child in a barrel of toxic waste? That's barbaric!
Dr. Singh: Well... err... it's not exactly how it sounds...
Timmysingh: I dunno, Doc, I think it's pretty much just how it sounds.
Labtech Gene: This is immensely disturbing to me both as a scientist and as a human being. I'm guessing the waste reconfigured Timmy's genetic code, causing him to mutate and instilling in him some sort of drive to meld into your consciousness as some sort of mental parasite...
Timmysingh: Nah, I always kinda wanted to do that.
Labtech Gene: Hmm. So, Dr. Singh, what would you have me do about this?
Dr. Singh: Well, it would be sort of nice if you could get Timmy off my arm and out of my brain. If you could reverse his mutation, that would also be very helpful.
Timmysingh: Aww, c'mon, Doc! I thought we were friends! Don't you want me around anymore?
Dr. Singh: Of course we're friends... but I think this friendship is developing past the point where I feel comfortable.
Labtech Gene: Well, I'll do my best to separate this child and repair his genes, but let me assure you that I'm doing this only out of concern for Timmy, and I thoroughly repudiate the practice of sticking children in barrels of toxic waste. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for perverting science in such an abominable fashion, and furthermore--
Timmysingh: Hey! Quit badmouthin' the Doc! She was only foolin' around when she put me in that barrel, and besides, I love bein' a mutant. If you gotta turn me back how I was, fine, but quit draggin' my best friend through the mud.
Labtech Gene: If you say so, kid. Anyway, I'll see what I can do. If this is the work of G-Corp sludge, it should be possible to reverse the process. Hopefully I'll have some results by next week.
Dr. Singh: That's all for now, folks! Tune in next week for another exciting edition of the Evolving Item Report! |